Whenever I think of an example of a love hate relationship, my mind automatically goes to oil painting. As an artist who identifies as a painter above all other mediums and interests, one would assume oil painting is my Holy Grail -- but sometimes one’s greatest passion in life is their biggest frustration. Oil painting is definity mine. I wanted to write about my feelings towards painting because after three years of on-and-off again oil painting - I’ve got my groove back!
Oil painting doesn’t feel like a stranger to me anymore. I’ve found oil painting to be a constant struggle since graduating from my MFA program in 2018. It’s taken countless hours, dozens of stretched, gessoed, then painted on and eventually fully destroyed canvases to reach the point I’m currently at. I’m working on three medium-sized oil paintings right now. I spend a few hours on each piece per week, building up the imagery and color on each paintings’ surface slowly - patience is key here! I started a new full-time job, which means my studio time is limited most days. Having a (real) studio for the first time in three years has helped me a lot in my return to painting. My painting studio is no longer 3 feet away from my bed -- it’s a separate room now! I’ve also spent the last year making A LOT of works on paper and developing an entirely new painting language. I kept oil painting at a distance as I found conceptual direction again while working on small works on paper pieces. I made dozens of paper works and after some time questioning if I even wanted to be an oil painter anymore, I got back into the swing of things in late 2020 after my Alumni Residency at Oak Spring Garden Foundation.
I made the piece “Past Lives” (2020, 30” x 24” oil on canvas) (Below Image) at the end of 2020 when I was feeling like an oil painter again. There were at least 3-4 different paintings on this canvas before the final image happened. It took months to realize. It was both a breakthrough and a roadblock for me. It was the first painting in three years that “felt right” to me but I couldn’t figure out how to keep that momentum going. Nearly a year later, I’m finally working on pieces that speak to this painting and expand on it. Needless to say, I owe a lot to this painting and am happy to share it’s on view at The Pennsylvania College of Art and Design till October 31st! https://pcad.edu/gallery/
I will also mention the burden social media plays on the creative practice. Lacking studio space is a physical hindrance but a mental hindrance is seeing what feels like dozens of artists my age and a bit older having streamlined, effortless studio practices. When I scroll through Instagram I am often confronted by artists who regularly post their new, completed and cohesive paintings. They seem to crank one out after the next without a struggle. Meanwhile, it took me a full year to make one good painting and another full year to start making a few more paintings. I have spent far too much time comparing my studio practice to others’. I’m training my brain to do that less these days and appreciate my slow growth more. Because growth, no matter how small is the end goal for me. One good painting day is better then not painting at all. Having three paintings that are at the starting point of a new body of work is an achievement, and should be celebrated. Loving painting again is about trusting myself again and refocusing my goals realistically as a maker, who teaches and works a 9-5 job. And with that, I say: cheers to the struggles, the breakthroughs and all the new possibilities!
Below are a few in-progress images from my August 2021 studio:
